Silently Screaming
by scribhneoir
Summary: Ron is suffering after the attack at the Department of Mysteries, but is trying to protect everyone by hiding how he is feeling. Final Chapter added...this story is complete.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Silently Screaming.  
Summary: Ron is suffering after the attack at the Department of Mysteries, but is trying to protect everyone by hiding how he is feeling.  
Character: Ron  
Rating: T (I think...let me know if you disagree)  
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter universe and everything and everyone in it, I am just a fan who is letting my imagination run a bit wild. All that I own is the chair that I'm sitting on and the keyboard I'm typing on.

- If you like this story and want to review that would be great…if you didn't like it, review and let me know why as I am doing all this to try and improve my writing.

* * *

He jolted awake with a sharp intake of breath as he sat up in his bed. His heart was pounding and the echoes of his dream still rang in his ears. The voices began to fade as he took in his surroundings and brought himself back to reality, but the feelings of helplessness, fear and anger remained. The volatile emotions that had become so much a part of his waking moments were considerably heightened during his dreams. The young teen tried to calm himself, to take deep breaths and to focus his attention on the things that were actually in the room rather than the dream images that never really left him. And as he focused his gaze on the chair on the other side of the room, he felt his heart stop racing and his breathing becoming more regular. 

"_Merlin, I'm tired of these dreams"_, he thought to himself as he swung his legs over the bed and stood a bit shakily to his feet.

He wobbled slightly as he stood but quickly regained his balance as he recognized the early morning sunlight peaking through the gap in his curtains. A quick glance at the clock that sat by his bed confirmed his suspicions. It was still very early and he had more than enough time to complete his morning routine before anyone else was awake to be concerned about him.

He stood quickly to make his way to the door but had to stop as his foot hit one of the many empty coffee cups that were sitting on the floor beside his bed. He was startled to see one of the cups roll its way across the floor before hitting the leg of a nearby table with a loud CLUNK. He held his breath for a moment to see if anyone in the house had heard the racket, if it had woken anyone at this early hour. But thankfully the residents of the house that served as the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix were well used to strange noises, and no one stirred. He carefully lifted the cup out of the way and sat it quietly on the nearby table.

He swiftly gathered some things together, opened his door and stealthily made his way towards the bathroom. He knew from experience what floorboards would creak as he walked along and would therefore betray his presence, so he was able to bypass them and proceed quietly along the hallway.

On reaching his destination he quickly locked the door behind him, dropped his belongings on the floor and dared to look at himself in the mirror. He winced slightly as he caught sight of himself,

"_Well, Ron you have definitely looked better",_ he thought to himself as he took in his bloodshot shadowed eyes and his dishevelled red hair. The livid reddish-purple scars that ran across his arms seemed to be especially harsh in the unforgiving early morning light, and the pain had lessened to a dull ache as the images of his dreams began to fade.

He had not had a good nights sleep in a while now and it was starting to show.

He quickly averted his eyes from the mirror and turned the cold-water tap on. As the cold water began to pour from the tap, Ron roughly ran his hands through his hair and over his face; he had to pull himself together. It had been four weeks since the attack at the Department of Mysteries, and one and half weeks that he had been without any 'dreamless sleep' potion. He didn't want anyone to worry about him especially with what had happened to Harry and what had happened since then.

He had felt bad enough that he had not been able to stand beside both Harry and Hermione as the battle had progressed. When he had heard about what had happened after he had been unable to go on, he had been terrified for his friends and his family. He had been unable to help them when they had needed him and that thought had haunted every waking and sleeping moment since. The rational and logical part of him knew that he had tried, that he had wanted to help and had gone with and supported his friend. But the vivid dreams combined with the sleep deprivation had led to the rational being overruled by the emotional. And the guilt and helplessness that he had been feeling fuelled the nightmares left by the attack and the injuries he had suffered.

His family knew about the scars, but they knew nothing about the dreams that haunted him. They knew nothing about the fact that he was troubled by images and memories that were not his own, and they knew nothing of the fact that he had discovered muggle coffee in an attempt to postpone sleep for as long as possible. He was silently screaming and hiding it very well.

He had intercepted and hidden the messages that he had received from Madam Pomfrey. At least there were some benefits to living in the headquarters of the resistance movement. He knew that if he had been at the Burrow then either his mother would have noticed or Pomfrey would have visited. Apparently he had reached the maximum recommended dosage for the dreamless sleep potion and Pomfrey would not give him any more. She had advised him just after the attack to talk to his family and friends about what had happened and how it had affected him. She had said that it would help the healing process and lead to a decrease in the dreams. He had told her what he knew she had wanted to hear; that he would talk to his family. At least this way he could keep it all a secret and deal with it himself. He couldn't let anyone worry about him when there were so many other important things going on.

Ron quickly got cleaned up and dressed and after returning to his room to collect the empty coffee cups, he made his way quietly down the stairs towards the kitchen. Although they had successfully 'cleaned' the majority of the house, Ron carefully negotiated his way through the darkened hallways. He did not need to make any unnecessary noises and risk waking any of the occupants of the house. He winced a little as the kitchen door creaked slightly as he pushed it open, and made his way into the kitchen to complete his morning routine. He quickly washed and dried the cups that he had retrieved from his room and returned them to the cupboard. He then made himself a mug of strong coffee and dropped into the nearest chair. As he waited for his coffee to cool a bit before he drank it, he roughly rubbed his face in an attempt to remove any last sign of his restless night. He had sat for perhaps a minute with his head resting in his hands before he decided to risk the coffee. He didn't really like the taste of the drink but had quickly found that he could learn to ignore a lot of things if it had the possibility of delaying the nightmares. He would quickly drink this cup of coffee, and maybe another if there was enough time, before returning to his room. This was his morning routine and he thought that it had been working well so far. By the time someone had come to wake him up, he not only would have been awake for hours previously he also would have worked hard to remove any last sign of his nightmares.

The morning routine was about to be disrupted.

Ron had been so preoccupied, not only with the remnants of his nightmares but also with the completion of his morning routine, that he had not noticed the young man who was sitting exhausted on the sofa that was on the other side of the kitchen.

At first Charlie Weasley had been too exhausted to react to the sight of his youngest brother entering the kitchen. He had been travelling for close to two days now in order to reach Headquarters, and rather than wake anyone up at this early hour he had decided to rest for a while before making his presence known. But his exhaustion quickly gave way to worry and concern as he observed his brother. He had been told about the attack of course and about Ron's injuries, but the sight of the purple scars on Ron's arms stunned him. From what he knew of his little brother, he knew that Ron would never have let anyone see the scars. He knew that Ron would probably wear long sleeved jumpers all the time now, but at this early hour Ron was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, and his scars were clearly visible. But it was the look on Ron's face that staggered him. He had never seen his little brother look so lost. He had obviously not really been sleeping, and the scent of the strong coffee that drifted across the kitchen told Charlie that Ron was forcing himself to stay awake. But when Ron had sat at the table and rested his head in his hands Charlie's heart nearly broke. His little brother looked so hurt, he had to say something,

"Hi Ron"

Coming Next…

Chapter Two – A chat with an older brother and a Weasley family meeting.


	2. Chapter 2

Summary: Ron is suffering after the attack at the Department of Mysteries, but is trying to protect everyone by hiding how he is feeling.  
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter universe and everything and everyone in it, I am just a fan who is letting my imagination run a bit wild. All that I own is the chair that I'm sitting on and the keyboard I'm typing on.

A/N:

Thank you to everyone who is reading this story and especially to The Penniless Poet, WeasleyGirl-ca and Sprite Sweetheart for their wonderful reviews. It's great to know that people are reading the story and that you like it! Thanks, and here's chapter two.

Chapter Two.

"Hi Ron"

Ron's head snapped up, and Charlie was surprised at the speed with which Ron reacted. He quickly swallowed his mouthful of coffee, jumped to his feet, drew his wand from the pocket of his jeans and stood ready to hex whoever the intruder was.

Under different circumstances Charlie would have been amused at the slightly embarrassed look that crossed Ron's face when he registered who was in front of him. But the fact that his youngest brother was so alert, and obviously expecting trouble, worried him.

"Hey, is that any way to say hello to your big brother? I'll start to get as paranoid as Mad Eye, if after travelling for two days I get hexed by my little brother".

In an attempt to lighten the moment Charlie smiled at his brother, "Although I suppose he's got you all used to CONSTANT VIGILANCE?"

"Yeah, you could say that", Ron replied as he returned his wand to his pocket, "What are you doing here Charlie?"

Ron tried to sound as normal as possible, but he was very well aware of the fact that Charlie had been watching him for the last few minutes. His brother had seen him before he was prepared, before he had the chance to hide the signs of the nightmares and the sleepless nights. And the fact that he was wearing a t-shirt and Charlie could clearly see his scars was a major concern for him.

"Well, Dumbledore wanted all the members of the Order to be in town over the next few months…some big meetings and missions…you know? And besides, I can't come and see my family every once in a while?"

"Yeah, yeah Charlie. Mum will be ecstatic when she finds out you're back", Ron moved towards his brother, gave him a quick hug and then moved towards the laundry basket at the side of the room.

Charlie frowned as he watched Ron lift the first clean jumper from the pile of fresh laundry and pull it over his head. He had been right in his suspicions about Ron hiding his scars.

Ron quickly moved back towards the kitchen,

"You want something to eat? I can't guarantee that it will be delicious but it probably won't be poisonous"

Charlie smiled as he walked back to the kitchen and joined in the pretence that everything was fine. He had decided to figure out what was going on and talk to the rest of the family before he took any action. If there was one thing that his work with dragons had taught him it was to get all the information you can before you jump into any situation, otherwise you could risk making things worse.

"_Probably _won't be poisonous?"

Ron glanced at him as he moved to fill the kettle with water, and tried to hide the fact that his hands were trembling slightly.

"Yeah, well, I can probably manage to make some toast?"

"A cup of tea and some toast would be great, thanks"

There was silence in the kitchen for a moment as Ron busied himself with making some breakfast and Charlie observed his brother.

"So, Ron, I know it's been a while since we were all at the Burrow but I don't remember you getting up all that early. In fact, I seem to recall on more than one occasion it fell to one of your older brothers to literally drag you out of bed."

"Well…you know the way it is…I woke up this morning and couldn't get back to sleep…so I figured that I might as well get up" Ron lied easily as he poured two mugs of tea and set them on the table. He had become used to lying and keeping up the pretence that everything was fine. Now that he had his scars covered and had gotten over his shock at seeing Charlie, his skilful performance had begun.

Charlie knew Ron was lying to him. But that was only due to the fact that he had seen him when he had first come into kitchen. Ron had obviously become an expert at hiding what was really happening with him. As Ron passed him the plate of toast, Charlie could see the pain in his eyes that was quickly masked and hidden.

The two brothers ate their breakfast and talked about anything and everything, apart from the attack and how it was affecting Ron. They talked about their brothers; about Bill and Fleur, about the twins and their shop, about what an idiot Percy was being. They talked about Ginny and their parents. But they both avoided the thing that they were both thinking about. They both ignored the pink elephant in the room.

Time quickly passed and it wasn't long before Ron looked at the large clock in the room,

"Mum will be here soon", and he moved towards the sink with the now empty cups. Charlie knew that Ron had been trying to hide the fact that his being in the kitchen, trying to keep himself awake with coffee, was a regular occurrence. But the fact that he knew what time their mum would be appearing and a few other things that Charlie had observed led him to believe that Ron appearing in the kitchen in the early morning was the usual routine.

"_Nightmares_", Charlie thought to himself as he looked at the dark shadows underneath his brother's haunted eyes, and registered the slight tremble in his hands that he was trying so hard to hide. "_He must be having nightmares_"

* * *

Breakfast at the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix was a busy and hectic time. Along with the residents of the house many of the Order stopped at the house to check in and have some breakfast when they finished the night shift or a long mission. The time passed quickly for Charlie as he was welcomed home by his family and the Order, but for Ron the time seemed to be passing too slowly. He was well aware of the concerned looks from Charlie across the table as breakfast proceeded. Those anxious glances joined those of his mother as she fussed around both him and Charlie constantly asking if they wanted anything else to eat.

Ron quickly realised that he would have to be more careful about letting his guard down. How could he have not realised that Charlie was in the room only a few hours ago? He knew that his mum was concerned about him but he was reasonably sure that he had hidden the extent of his problems from her and everyone else. But now Charlie suspected something was wrong.

As Ron thought about how to hide what was happening with him from his family, conversation flowed and breakfast proceeded around him. He was so concerned with keeping up the appearance that everything was fine that he went from quietly staring into space to suddenly jumping into the conversation. If he had thought about it more clearly he would have seen that this behaviour was causing more concern for him from his family, as they watched him vacillate between worry and apparent happiness.

As soon as breakfast was over and everyone had dispersed for the day Ron found the first excuse he could think of to leave the presence of the others. Although he had been reasonably confident with his ability to keep up the pretence that everything was fine, it was exhausting. He had found that he was more at ease when he was able to drop the act and simply feel what he had to feel. And that could only happen when he was alone. Everyone else had enough to be worried about without him adding to it.

He quickly volunteered to feed Buckbeak who was still housed in one of the upper rooms of the house, and quietly made his way out of the busy kitchen. As he made his way up the narrow staircase towards the top floor of the house, he let himself relax to a certain extent. His shoulders slumped and his hands shook as he let the physical manifestations of his nightmares and lack of sleep show through.

After arriving at the large room, he fed the hungry hippogriff who looked at him curiously before turning its attention back to the food. Ron found that he was glad of the solitude and the quiet, and he leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, trying to calm himself. He slid down the wall and sat with his head in his hands, unaware of everything around him. He was completely unaware of the fact that as he was struggling with his feelings in one room of the house, a hastily arranged Weasley family meeting was being conducted in the kitchen.

As the sleep that Ron had been trying so hard to avoid finally caught up with him, he was oblivious to the fact that Charlie was telling their already worried family exactly what he had observed that morning.

* * *

Ron could hear himself summoning the brain while his mind was screaming "No!"…. He could feel the growing pressure and then the burning pain as the thoughts wrapped themselves around his arms…the flashes of memories and thoughts that were not his own flickered through his mind as he realised that he could do nothing while his family, his friends were in danger…he saw the faces of those that he cared for flash through his mind interspersed with faces he had never seen before…all the while the pain in his arms grew more intense…he was finding it difficult to breathe as the pressure was growing more extreme …he could see Hermione…he could hear her asking him why he didn't help her… the faces of Ginny and Harry…along with Neville and Luna joined in accusing him of leaving them… of not helping them…he pleaded with them to believe him…that he tried and he was still trying to help…but the ability to breathe became a pressing concern again as the pressure from the thoughts intensified yet again…he was trying to take a deep breath…he had to make them understand to get them to hear him…

"NO!".

Ron's previously silent screams gained volume as his voice echoed around the room and through the house. He quickly opened his eyes, trying to figure out where exactly he was and what was happening. His breathing was rough as he forced the images of his dream to leave and once again tried to focus on something in the room. The large hippogriff became the focus of his attention as he forced himself to calm down. His breathing gradually became more even and regular, and he moved his gaze to his hands, which were still trembling in front of him. As he regained his senses he realised that not only did he fall asleep, but this dream had also forced him to shout out loud in a way that none of the dreams had ever done before. He heard a door opening somewhere in the house and the sounds of people running up the stairs. He sighed and rested his head in his hands yet again,

"Bloody hell", he muttered under his breath, as the footsteps grew louder as they made their way towards the room at the top of the house.

Coming up…

Chapter Three –

A confrontation.

I hope to get this story finished by Friday as I, along with a lot of other people, will be reading a certain book on Saturday!

Thanks for reading and please review.


	3. Chapter 3

Summary: Ron is suffering after the attack at the Department of Mysteries, but is trying to protect everyone by hiding how he is feeling.  
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter universe and everything and everyone in it, I am just a fan who is letting my imagination run a bit wild. All that I own is the chair that I'm sitting on and the keyboard I'm typing on.

A/N:

Thank you to everyone who is reading this story, I hope that you like this chapter.

Thank you to The Penniless Poet, WeasleyGirl-ca, Sprite Sweetheart, Magnolia Lane and Greenpluff for their wonderful reviews for chapter two, I hope you like chapter three. It's wonderful to know that people are reading this story and that you like it!

And thank you to the readers who have put me on their favs and alert list, once again it's great to know that people like the story.

Here is Chapter three.

* * *

Within seconds there was a thumping on the door and Ron heard Charlie's voice. He had obviously been the quickest person up the stairs and had reached the door first.

"Ron, what's wrong? Are you okay? What happened?"

Ron quickly jumped to his feet and roughly rubbed his hands over his face and through his hair, but before he had a chance to respond he heard other voices speaking on the other side of the door.

"What happened Charlie? Is he okay? Ron?"

Molly Weasley's concerned voice could be heard clearly though the wooden door, and Ron's heart ached that he was causing her so much worry.

He heard his father's voice join the conversation,

"Ron", he knocked the door, "Ron, we heard you shouting, are you okay?"

Ron began to panic, they had heard him shouting. How could he ever hope to cover that up? How could he hide now? His mind was still reeling from the images and sounds that haunted his dreams, and his family were waiting for him on the other side of the door. He took a deep breath and replied to his family's questions, realising that his voice sounded a bit shaky.

"I'm…I'm fine, everything's okay"

Ron knew at the back of his mind that his answer would be nowhere near enough for his family, but he had to try.

There was silence on the other side of the door for a moment. Ron stared at the door, hoping against hope that his family would leave him alone. He needed time before he could face people. But his father's voice sounded again through the door,

"Ron, we're not going anywhere until you open this door and tell us what's happened"

The tone of Arthur Weasley's voice was enough for Ron to know that he was not going to be able to get rid of them that easily. He had only heard his father speak like that on a few other occasions. While Arthur was normally quite easygoing and calm, that would change if his family was in danger.

When someone or something was threatening his family he became a force to be reckoned with. And now, after hearing Charlie confirm the fears and concerns that he and Molly had held, he was both terrified and determined.

He was determined that they were going to confront Ron, to get him the help that he needed. When they had heard him shouting only moments ago, he had been frightened that Ron had maybe hurt himself. Ron needed help and he was going to help his youngest son. But he was terrified that Ron would not let them help him. He had been trying so hard to hide how he was feeling. His youngest children had gone through a terrible ordeal, and he was scared for them. They shouldn't have had to experience what they did, none of them should. But, what's done is done and now they were going to help Ron.

Inside the room Ron was pacing, trying to stop his hands from shaking and trying to figure out what to do.

His frustration at the entire situation was heightened as he realised that he would have trouble hiding things now. His emotions, already running riot after his nightmare, threatened to spiral out of control as he continued to pace and his right hand refused to stop trembling. He clenched his hand into a fist in an attempt to stop the shaking and to remove the last echoes of his dream. And then, just as he was establishing a sense of self-control, he heard a voice through the door. Whether it was Fred's voice or George's, he wasn't completely sure, but he did clearly hear what was being said.

"Why are we all standing out here? Did you even try the door Charlie? Is it locked?"

Ron quickly realised that he had never thought to lock the door, and that he was going to have to face his family. He tried quickly to mask his feelings and pretend that he was okay.

He stood straight and tall with his shoulders back, taking deep breaths, trying to calm himself.

"I can do this", he muttered under his breath, "I can keep up the act", but as he sought to reassure himself he realised that there was one thing that was going to betray the truth. There was one part of his preparation and his act that was not falling into place. His right hand was still clenched tightly into a fist, and was still noticeably shaking.

In desperation at both the situation and his inability to control what was happening, he swiftly swung his arm and his fist connected with the nearest wall. The pain that erupted in his knuckles, travelled quickly to his hand and moved immediately to the wounds on his arms. The sharp pain almost forced him to shout aloud again, but he carefully held the injured arm with his left arm and bit his lip in an attempt to control the pain.

As the pain radiated up his arm, he noticed that the door handle was turning slightly and the door was edging slowly open. His mind raced as he saw the concerned faces of his family.

His father entered the room first with his mother close behind him, the faces of his brothers and sister all edged around the open door. Molly immediately rushed to his side as she saw him cradling his right arm.

"Ron, did you hurt yourself? Are you okay?"

Ron tried to hide his frustration at being crowded like this, with everyone watching him. But as he spoke a spark of anger could be heard in his tone of voice.

"I'm fine, really"

At the look on his father's face, Ron knew he was about to disagree with him, so he spoke first.

"I wasn't really paying attention and I hurt my arm" He tried to lighten the mood and deflect some attention with a faint smile that was merely a ghost of the trademark Ron Weasley smile.

"I just got a bit too close to Buckbeak when I was feeding him and he must have thought my arm was his breakfast or something". He nodded his head towards the hippogriff that was watching the proceedings with detached interest. " Bloody hippogriff, next time some-one else can feed him"

Ron began to move out of the room but was stopped before he had taken three steps by his father's hand on his shoulder.

"Ron, please talk to us. We know the attack must have affected you; you all went through a lot. Don't try to handle it all yourself, let us help. You haven't been okay for a while now and we're all worried about you"

Ron glanced towards the doorway and saw that although his siblings seemed content to let their parents handle things, they also were worried about him.

He looked back to his father,

"I'm fine Dad, really, you don't have to worry about me"

He moved past his parents, pushed his way past his siblings and made his way down the stairs. He needed a bit of space, some peace and quiet without an audience watching his every move.

But the Weasley family did not give up that easily and they resolutely followed their son and brother as he reached the ground floor of the old house.

Arthur quickly reached for his son, and placed his hand on his shoulder again,

"Ron"

The young man turned to face his family, and did not even try to mask the frustration and anger in his voice,

"What ! What do you all want now?"

While the other members of the Weasley family may have automatically taken a step back at the sight of the anger and pain in Ron's eyes, they did not leave him. They would not leave him.

"Ron, please", his mother moved towards him, "You have to talk about these things, we know that you're hurting. Let us help you, you'll feel better if you talk about these things"

Ron quickly moved away from his family and paced around the room. He moved across the kitchen like a caged tiger anxiously looking for any escape route. His newly discovered claustrophobia was setting in and he felt like he was suffocating.

His family watched him for a moment, taking in the radically different Ron. Ron was not trying to hide anything now and his emotions were clear for all to see. Eventually Arthur felt that he had to break the silence,

"Ron, please…"

Ron whirled around to face his family, his hands once again shaking as his emotions and his fear raged and spiralled out of control.

"You all want me to talk about how I'm feeling? You really want to know?" he resumed his pacing, "You want to know about the nightmares, about the faces that haunt me!"

As Ron shouted, he was no longer raging at his family, he was raging and shouting at the situation that he, his family and his friends had found themselves in. He was finally allowing himself to vent all the emotions that had been threatening to overpower him.

"You want to know about the fact that these scars will never leave me? Do you want to know that every time I have a nightmare the scars hurt so much it's like it's happening all over again? Do you want to know that the scars will be a constant reminder of the fact that I was stupid enough to summon that bloody brain to me…that I couldn't avoid that confusion curse or fight it off…that I knew what was happening and couldn't stop myself…that I couldn't help Ginny or Hermione or Harry or Neville or Luna…that I couldn't stand beside them in the battle…"

He stopped speaking for just a moment to catch his breath but never stopped his frantic pacing around the room.

"Every time I close my eyes I see images and people that I have never seen before…I hear them screaming…that bloody brain affects me whether I am awake or asleep … so I try not to sleep…when I am awake I have some control. I see Hermione, Harry and Ginny asking me where I was, blaming me for not helping them, for not being there. I can feel the pressure of the brain around the scars on my arms…I remember struggling to breathe and the sense of being suffocated. Do you want to know that every room in this house makes me feel like the walls are closing in on me, and that there's no escape? Most of all I feel so unbelievably guilty that I am feeling like this when Hermione was so badly hurt…I shouldn't feel like this when Harry has been through so much and suffered so much more, when Harry had to face Voldermort again and when he lost Sirius like that?"

Ron grew quiet as he continued to pace, he was so lost in his own thoughts that he did not see the shocked and concerned faces of his family as they thought about what he had just said. They were all momentarily stunned as Ron pushed his way past them and took refuge in his room.

**Coming up… **

**Chapter Four.**

The Weasley family takes action in order to help Ron.

Chapter four will be the last chapter of this story and I hope to have it posted either Thursday night or Friday morning.

Thank you for reading and please review.


	4. Chapter 4

Summary: Ron is suffering after the attack at the Department of Mysteries, but is trying to protect everyone by hiding how he is feeling.  
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter universe and everything and everyone in it, I am just a fan who is letting my imagination run a bit wild. All that I own is the chair that I'm sitting on and the keyboard I'm typing on.

A/N:

Thank you to everyone who is reading this story. I have enjoyed writing it and I hope that others enjoy reading it!

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review. It really makes writing even more enjoyable when I know that other people are reading the story and that you like it! Thank you very, very much. And I want to wish you all a happy days reading for July 16th 2005! …Not long now!

Here's chapter four.

* * *

Ron stormed up the stairs, not noticing anything around him until he slammed the door of his room, and leaned against the door trying to catch his breath. He could faintly hear someone trying to quieten the portraits, which had awakened after his outburst, but the majority of his attention was focused on

calming himself. The echoes of his dreams had invaded his reality as he had vented his feelings and now he was struggling to regain some sense of control. He eventually managed to get his hands to stop trembling as he moved across the room and sat down on his bed, with his head in his hands. The sharp pain in his right arm had faded to a dull ache, which matched the headache that was building behind his eyes at that moment.

He was exhausted. The weeks of pretending that everything was okay, combined with his sleep disruption, had finally caught up with him and he was shattered. As he sat there he thought about what exactly had happened only moments previously. He realised that he had revealed everything that he had been trying so hard to hide for the past four weeks. He had revealed his worst fears and had given his family the details of the nightmares that had haunted him since that fateful day in the Department of Mysteries.

He vaguely registered that there was someone knocking on his door.

"Just…just leave me alone for a bit…okay?"

It appeared that his family realised that he might need some time to himself after his outburst, and there was a few moments of welcome solitude before the next person came to his door. Every ten minutes or so there was a tentative knock on his door, and every time he responded without even looking towards the door. It appeared though that after the third or fourth time his family had had enough, and instead of the person leaving after he asked to be left alone, the door slowly opened. In a way he was grateful for some company to distract him from the memories of the dreams, but he was not ready to talk about anything. He still couldn't believe that he had lost control and told them everything. He felt like all the effort over the past few weeks had been completely pointless, and with that realisation any energy he had left simply faded away.

Ron had his eyes closed and his head still in his hands as he listened to the footsteps move their way across the room. The soft footsteps and the silence that remained in the room betrayed the identity of the new person. The soft footsteps had ruled out his father or his brothers, and his mother would have spoken to him already. There was only one other person that it could be…Ginny. His suspicions were confirmed when he raised his head, looked towards the door and saw the only member of his family who was also at the Department of Mysteries. Ginny had not said a word since she had come into the room, and as Ron met her eyes she moved quietly towards the spare bed in the room. Without saying a word she gave him a small smile before carefully setting a small potion bottle on the nearby desk. She then opened the book that she had been holding and began to read. Ron was grateful to his little sister for being so perceptive and aware of the fact that although he did want company, he really was in no mood to talk just yet. He reached for the potion bottle and quickly drank it when he saw that it was a mild pain relief potion. Ron let out a breath, that he had been unaware he had been holding, when the pain in his arm and his head immediately began to fade.

He sat quietly composing himself and trying to think about how everything had now changed. The presence of someone who cared for him provided him with an anchor in the storm that was still raging within him.

Ron was unaware of the fact that his brothers were now sitting outside the now closed door, and that they had established a sort of vigil as they waited for any news. He did not know that his parents were discussing what they should do next as they nervously moved between the kitchen and the Weasley family gathering on the second floor. He was unaware of the fact that several hours had passed until his stomach informed him with a loud growl that it had now been several hours since breakfast, and that he had also missed lunch.

Before long there was a call around the house that dinner was ready and both Ron and Ginny silently made their way down the stairs and into the kitchen.

There were times that living in the busy headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix could be stifling and claustrophobic, but for Ron this was not one of those times. As he joined his family and the various Order members around the dinner table, he was grateful for the various conversations that were taking place. His family, although very concerned for him, observed how he visibly relaxed as he sat at the table. His parents exchanged a look across the table and confirmed what they had already decided to do. They had all decided to allow him this moment of relative anonymity (he obviously wanted at least an hour of pretending that nothing had taken place) before they talked to him about what was happening. They knew he would be reluctant for anyone outside the family to know about what had happened, the fact that he had tried to hide it for so long was evidence of that. They were going to respect his privacy, and they had decided on a plan of action that they believed would help Ron.

Ron listened to the various conversations around him as he filled his plate, but looked up when he heard the kitchen door open and heard his mother speak,

"Remus dear, you look exhausted, sit down, you are just in time for dinner"

Ron observed his former Professor as he gave a small smile and sat down opposite him. Everyone had been concerned about Lupin following Sirius' death. He had been devastated initially but seemed to be coping with it by focusing on Harry. Ron realised quickly that that was where Lupin had been all day.

He startled everyone by speaking when he had previously been silent and content to listen,

"Did you see Harry today Professor? How is he? Did you tell him about how we can't use any owls to send letters any more?"

As he looked into Ron's concerned and shadowed eyes, Lupin sighed,

"Yes I saw him today Ron, we spent the day together, he was glad to get out of the house for a while, even though we couldn't go far with the various security concerns. He seems to be coping with things now, he was of course very angry and upset for a while but I think he is going to be okay. He knows why you and Hermione cannot contact him, he said to tell you that he'll see you soon"

"Good, that's good", Ron nodded as he reassured himself that his best friend was going to be okay, "Next time you see him will you tell him that we'll see him soon?"

"Of course Ron", Lupin replied and the conversation around the dinner table resumed.

Once again, the activity in the house had made it possible for Ron to avoid being alone with any members of his family all evening, as many members of the Order checked in and various missions were undertaken. He knew that his family were watching him but he was grateful that they allowed him to say,

"Good-night"

and then allowed him to make his way to his room without any confrontations.

* * *

4.22am.

Ron quietly made his way down the creaky stairs trying to forget the nightmare images that had woken him up. Given the events of the previous evening, he had fallen asleep not long after retreating to his room. And the nightmares had woken him suddenly not long ago. As he pushed the kitchen door open, he was frantically trying to block out the echoes of the voices from his dreams. This nightmare had focused on his friends and he had wakened abruptly after hearing his friends accuse him of not being there for them. A part of him knew that they would never blame him or accuse him in that way, but sometimes the fear overwhelmed the rational thought.

If he had been more awake or more aware he perhaps would have remembered the events of the previous morning when an unexpected person waiting in the kitchen had surprised him. But, as he was preoccupied at that moment he was startled by the voice that he heard from the kitchen table,

"Morning Ron"

Ron was momentarily speechless at the sight of his father sitting calmly at the kitchen table. But found his voice as he moved further into the kitchen,

"Dad, what are you doing up at this time?"

he didn't bother trying to hide how tired he was, as he was sure Charlie had informed them of his morning routine. His father gave him a look that confirmed his suspicions as he nodded at the chair beside him,

"Sit down Ron, I'm looking for someone to play a game of chess with me"

It was only as he sat down that Ron noticed the chessboard that had been set up on the table, and allowed a faint smile to grace his face. It had been a long time since he and his father had played chess.

Father and son sat in comfortable silence for a while, wordlessly moving the chess pieces as the game progressed. A large pot of tea and a plate of toast had been made at one stage, and it was only when Arthur had seen Ron eat some toast, that he began to speak,

"I was terrified you know, still am actually"

Ron looked up at his father in surprise. He found that he didn't

know what to say but gratefully realised that no words from him were necessary. Arthur continued to speak,

"When I found out about the attack I was more scared than I ever thought I could possibly be. I always thought that I would be able to protect my children. And when the war started and your brothers joined the Order, both your mother and I knew there were some risks. But we never thought that you and Ginny would be in a battle, that our youngest would have to face so much"

Arthur took a sip of tea and a deep breath before he continued; he knew that saying all this would help both Ron and himself.

"I was so angry at the whole situation, at the people who were putting my family in danger. I felt that I should have been able to protect all of you, and I couldn't. I admit that it took a while before I could understand why you all went to the Ministry that night. Once I had calmed down and I knew that both you and Ginny were okay, I realised how proud I was of both you. I am very proud of you Ron"

Arthur suddenly looked up and made sure that Ron understood this point,

"I am very proud of the young man you have become Ron. You faced a situation that many Aurors or members of the Order have never had to face. You went into a dangerous situation because you thought it was the best thing to do for those you cared about, and that is one of the bravest things I have ever heard of. I would have been a lot happier if you, Ginny, Harry, Hermione, Neville and Luna had all been safely at Hogwarts, but you bravely faced the challenges that were placed in front of you. I am proud of you son"

Silence returned to the kitchen for a minute as both Ron and Arthur finished their tea, and as Ron sat his empty cup on the table he finally spoke,

"I am angry at myself for not being there for my friends and for Ginny, they all went through so much and I wasn't there to help them. Harry and Hermione…I…I shouldn't have been stopped so early in the battle…I should have been there at their side as they faced so much …I am so fed up of the scars and the effects of that stupid brain…. I didn't want to cause everyone so much worry when you have all been through so much…I…"

Ron stopped talking suddenly as the emotions threatened to overwhelm him, and the need to take a couple of deep breaths became vital. His father looked at him for a moment, making sure that he was okay, before he spoke,

"Ron, you did more than anyone could have expected and I know for a fact that there are many wizards twice your age who wouldn't have gotten past the trip on the thestral, never mind what you went through in the Department of Mysteries. You stood by your friends and fought bravely and I have no doubt that you were a strong ally in battle. You are allowed to be upset about all that has happened you know?"

Ron gave his father a small nod in response to his question and replied,

"I know".

The air seemed to have cleared a bit with the emotional revelations, and both Ron and Arthur turned their attention back to the chessboard. Arthur looked towards his youngest son with a small smile,

"You know what? I think that I may just have a chance at winning a game of chess against you"

His attempt to lighten the moment was rewarded as he heard a soft chuckle from Ron and saw him move his chess piece.

* * *

The following morning when Ron appeared in the kitchen at 4.55am, his mother met him with a mug of hot chocolate. She told him stories about when he was growing up. They talked about the night of the attack and she told him how worried she had been about all of them. She had asked to see the wounds on his arms and after a moments thought he had allowed her to see them. He had told her about the dreams and how the wounds that were healing and the scars that were forming would hurt as he dreamt. He found himself telling her about the elements of his dreams that scared him the most and the reasons why he had been reluctant to sleep.

The Weasley family plan became clear to Ron, as over the next week, there was always a member of the family there to meet him when he appeared in the kitchen at the crack of dawn.

Charlie and Ron spoke about dragons, school and Quidditch. They talked about the attack and how helpless Charlie had felt when he had heard that both Ron and Ginny had been attacked.

Ginny had merely sat with him for close to half an hour before they both talked for the first time about everything that had happened that night. Ron had told her how bad he felt for not being able to help her more, while she had told him that he was being an idiot. She had told him that she was terrified when the brain had attacked him and that she was very proud that he was her older brother.

Bill had arrived back from a mission for the Order and had met Ron in the kitchen on the fifth night. They had talked for hours as they caught up on everything that had happened, and Bill had told Ron that he had felt so helpless and scared when he had been told about what had happened.

Fred and George both met Ron in the kitchen on the sixth night. After being uncharacteristically serious for a while and talking about what had happened, they had caught Ron completely off guard by simultaneously turning to him with mischievous grins and asking him,

"So, Ronniekins, what's going on with you a certain Miss Hermione Granger?"

* * *

On the seventh night Molly had been sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of tea and waiting for her youngest son to appear when she glanced at the clock.

It was 5.25am.

He had never been this late before. Molly quickly rose from her chair and made her way up the stairs and through the dark hallways of the house. When she reached the door that led to Ron's room, she stopped for a moment to make a silent wish before she quietly turned the handle of the door.

Her wish was granted at the sight that met her eyes. Her youngest son was completely asleep. There was no sign of any nightmares as he breathed deeply as he slept. She noticed with a small smile that he had kicked the blanket away at some point, just as he had done when he was a baby. She quietly made her way across the room, returned the blanket to him and made sure that he would be safe and warm as he slept. She did notice that he had chosen to wear a long sleeved top as he slept and she knew that it would be a while before Ron recovered from what had happened, and even then he would have the scars to remind him of it. But she also knew that he was over the worst of it and that he would never have to deal with things alone.

The End.

Thank you for reading this story, I hope that you liked it. Please Review.

I want to wish everyone a happy day of reading for July 16th 2005!


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